Waking Up With Myself

Whenever I wake up, I make sure to look in the mirror and ask myself the question “how can I possibly wake up without a smile on my face?” Well, I never really got the chance to answer that question until today. Because today myself finally answered the one question I have been dreading everyday. So why I don’t feel happy waking up in the morning with myself? That’s because I am alone. Even with people surrounding me at work, friends over coffee, or an occasional greeting from a family member, I feel alone. And yes I am alone in this world. Nobody is REALLY THERE.

I remember at one point in my life I had everything and possibly a sense of contentment where happiness is not an issue. I left all that to pursue something I have never encountered before. I traveled a road so unknown; I got hurt a million times along the way. It is so hard trying to put the pieces back together when I know I have come a long way from home. Now that I want to go back it seems so difficult now. I regret this one decision because I thought I would be happy. I thought this was the one thing that was missing in my life. But in the end it turned out to be my biggest mistake. If my mother was here, she’d say the same things she told me a few years back. I should have listened to her. Despite her being this perfectionist, she was able to keep me away from the real world. She kept me somewhere safe where nothing can go near and even when I know she was selfish to keep me all to herself, at least I know that she just wanted what she thinks is best for me.

Now, I am desperately alone; struggling to find my way back but not getting any closer. On the contrary, there are things that I am still grateful for in my present life. I got the independence but then I wanted it so badly I wasn’t prepared for it. With independence comes the reality of fighting my own battles. This I see everyday when I wake up with myself and only me.

Thanking Saint Patrick

My aunt, who is in Europe called me two days ago and informed me of their plans for St. Patrick’s Day,. She made mention of events that they are looking forward on the 17th and I’m pretty sure they are going to enjoy it. Our clan is very much known for our deep dedication to our religion and along with that is our enthusiasm to commemorate special occasions such as the feast of Saint Patrick; which is why I clearly understand why my aunt bothered to make a phone call only to inform me of her affairs and if I was interested to fly in and join them. Unfortunately, there is a lot of work to do here and I can’t leave it knowing that it might disrupt business activities. I’m needed here and I must stay. Hopefully, next year I can spend time with friends and family because I already had the opportunity of witnessing this event for many years since I was young.

I find religious practices very enlightening and it plays a vital role in one’s personal development. Having faith in almost what I do is the least I can do to survive different trials in my life and I am just thankful that I am blessed. This coming Saint Patrick’s Day, I will be spending a moment of silence to be thankful for all the blessings, for the presence of family and friends, for the wonderful life I have been provided of, and for the struggles that kept me strong all these years.

But for now, I have to work. For now I have to attend to my responsibilities. For now I will face my life like always because I cannot miss a day like Saint Patrick’s Day. It’s one of the days when I am able to remember the traces of my footsteps. By knowing where I started and where it has put me today is a gesture of gratefulness.

Following My Own Advice

We give advices to almost anyone who needs it. Partly because these advices are somewhat close to home. Argue if you must but it’s often true that we are more comfortable giving advices about issues we already have encountered before. And if we are thoughtful enough to provide solutions, we make sure that the advices we give are indeed helpful. But sometimes, when we are too focused on giving insights to others, we forget that we too need advices of our own.

Not too long ago, I had financial problems and yes it was devastating, which lead me to resort to desperate measures but fortunately I did not give in. Losing money on my watch is the last thing I need in my life. However, it dawned on me that before this crises even took part, I was the one giving advices to people who were suffering from the same problem. I did say that I needed enlightenment but eventually I settled for my own invaluable wit. Experiences make us better persons unless of course we choose to deny the lessons but when we come to a point in our lives when we are in need of support, the first person we should rely on is ourselves.

So here I was looking like I haven’t solved a particular puzzle for years, and I suddenly had the craziest impulse to talk to myself. After some reconciliation, my self managed to engage in a conversation which turned out to be an interesting thing. From that day forward, I refused to say that such act is absurd.

My current problem at the time didn’t even take days to be solved. I guess my head was working so hard to help me sort things out. Although there are still blemishes left to correct, I am glad that there is a way to lessen the stress. Indeed, following my own advice was a great help. I would even suggest this to friends without sounding like I’m strung out from pot. Like what I always say, the cards may have been revealed but the game has just begun.